Monday, February 8, 2010

The Mother-Daughter Relationship

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Each relationship is unique its own right . Some are seemingly flawless, others are complicated, with ups and downs, but the love in undeniable. One relationship that can get tricky overnight is the Mother-Daughter tug of war phase.

Yesterday, while I was at the gym sweating and focused on a fabulous read, as usual there was a lady on the elliptical next to me reading as well. After a few minutes her daughter{~13} walked up, with most likely something else on her mind, but then with a completely mortified look gasped and in as low of a voice as she could, almost pleaded,

"MOWWWWM!! I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU ARE READING THAT, HERE!"

and stomped away in what was probably, a mix of frustration and embarrassment. "That" being a book titled Side By Side: The Revolutionary Mother-Daughter Program for Conflict-Free Communication, by Dr. Sophy {who has been on Celebrity Rehab a time or two with Dr. Drew}.

I could not but help feel for both of them. You know for the daughter, in her mind, her mom just 'totally' embarrassed her to the umpfth degree and she'll never be able to show her face at the gym again. Clearly she'll also 'never forgive' her mom for doing 'something like that' to her...again. Yet, for the mom, the title of the book and a public setting never phased her. She was most likely trying to 'figure' out her daughter and 'understand kids these days', just so they could 'talk like they used to'.

Were you ever embarrassed by things your mom did?
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66 Fabulous People:

  1. My mom never embarrassed me. I always found her so classy and beautiful, someone to emulate, not to be ashamed of at all. But I know that's not the norm. My other two sisters went through this very phase you're talking about and I know it was very painful for all involved. I would read the book just to know more myself...so thanks for sharing.
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  2. oh yes...my mom used to sing in the store while we were shopping at target and the grocery store! just to be silly...it was embarrassing but of course i just laughed at her.
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  3. OMG yes everything..from her clothes to her comments..to her whole life...but now....Ahhh there's no one around like her...Im proud shes my Mom..!
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  4. my mom embarrassed me back then A LOT, and she still manages to do so today.

    one example....as a kid in junior high, she once drove me and my siblings to school. she saw two boys fighting in the parking lot, she put the car in park (in a line of about 50 cars dropping off kids), jumped out of the car, and broke up the fight and scolded the kids in front of everybody and tried to drag them to the principals office. MORTIFYING.

    her latest thing is to use me as a prop to get laughs. i hate it. she figures i can take it, she needs the laugh and will make fun of me or something about me to get that laugh, and it all works out for her. BUT NOT FOR ME. i cannot stand it.
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  5. I think when I was that age, I was embarrassed by just about everything my mom did! Such a telling anecdote, darling!

    xoxox,
    CC
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  6. Yes. I was embarassed each time she came to school when it was lunch time!! and p.s. i just saw you have over 1,000 followers, congrats! xxxooo
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  7. Yes and sometimes still am- ha ha
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  8. For now, I just want to enjoy the bliss of a little daughter who thinks I hung the moon! :)

    My time is coming for sure....

    Luckily, I cannot think of any embarrassing moments my mom put me through. She was/is rather shy, so she was always more of a wallflower when it came to most incidents. At home, she blabbed lots, but in public, pretty easy going.
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  9. Oh yeah! Hopefully I dont embarrass my daughter TOO much!
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  10. of course! and sometimes I still have to hide, but she is absolutely the best and is totally forgiven, I guess it's part of her charm but indeed mother-daughter relationships are not always a walks in the park :)
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  11. I agree with Strawberry up there, my sentiments exactly,LOL
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  12. I know I embarrass my kids. Hahaha! They don't want me holding their hands in public because people may think I am the girlfriend.
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  13. As much as my mom "totally" embarrassed me as a kid, as an adult I find it the best memories as a child. I know I would embarrass my future kids the same way.
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  14. i could go on and on and on about the embarassing things my mom did...

    -bringing her own butterspray and sugar free syrups, and if that wasn't bad enough handing the bottle of the syrup to the waiter and asking him to heat it up in the microwave for two minutes

    -when a man was bending over talking to someone in an airplane aisle while i was in the aisle seat tapping him and asking him to kindly remove his ass from my face

    -answering our house phone at 9pm or later informing friends and potential boyfriends that "the clarks go to bed at 9pm"

    -telling my gym teacher she needs to start wearing underwear

    -explaining sado masacism to me and my girlfriends in middle school.

    -telling me you have to "test drive a car before you buy it"

    it goes on
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  15. i used to be embarrassed by my mom's very being. for no reason at all other than i was a bratty child. :) i'd give anything to have her embarrassing me now! funny how things change.
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  16. That's a funny story. When I was younger, between 11-13 years old (aka kinda the awkward pre-teen stage) my Mom and I did not get along at all. I'd always get embarrassed by her and never wanted her to be around if I had friends over the house. Now, we couldn't be closer! I think it has something to do with the age :)

    xo
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  17. My mum is pretty cool. We are very very close. More like sisters as I am the mother figure and shes a bit like the kid in our dynamic. lol
    Its me shouting 'turn you F*c*ing music DOWN' at 4 in the morning which is bizzare and wonderful at the same time.

    I was lucky both my mum and step mum were also really hot. So I could go out when I was 15 as they would be standing on the table dancing next to me!!
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  18. Oh yes! She got a breast augmentation when I was 17 and I was horrified. She wore skimpier clothes than me too.

    As I've gotten older, I learned to accept her for who she is and just say "Yup, that's my mom" and shake my head. God love her. lol
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  19. Awww, the classic mother-daughter scene! I've had a few of those in my time!
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  20. OMG, I could start an entirely new blog about the antics my mom got up to, she loved embarrassing us in front of our friends and our friends loved her for it. Tons of stories!!
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  21. I really can say I wasn't. My mom and I were and continue to be the BEST of friends. I hope someday I have a daughter and we have a relationship like that (not like the girl and her mom at the gym, like my mom and I, ha!)

    I enjoyed this post!!!
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  22. My mom always embarrassed me. I realize now it was not even remotely as traumatic as I thought it was and that it was just part of my mom's uniqueness. But she still manages to embarrass me on occasion.

    For example - we used to work together in the same office but different dept. There is a guy who is my friend and co-worker and we work together regularly. One day my mom walks up to him and says, "Ryan will you marry my daughter. She needs a husband and I want grandkids."

    Wanted to die! And I already HAD a boyfriend!

    But I love her anyway :)
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  23. Oh heck yeah!!!
    But then again, I'm sure I will totes embarass my kids (not just the daughters) when I become a mom, so really it balances out ;)
    Plus, I can laugh about those embarassing moments now :)
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  24. My mom is my best friend...I have never been embarrassed by her. In fact, we had lunch today. I hope to have that with my daughter, and I think we are well on our way!
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  25. um yes...my mom embarassed me a lot. one time she made me accept a valentine's card from my "steve erkel" (this totally heinous kid who had been crushing on me for years). i did not want to...i was not that nice, obvi, but my mom was. so i took the card and was humiliated by the entire class.

    looking back, i now thank my mom for those moments. as much as you felt mortified at that time, i still cherish those moments because it involved my mom.

    oh and the girl was probably 13 exactly. that's when i was at my worst with my mother.
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  26. Oh yes there were quite a few embrassing moments, but nothing so extreme that I wouldn't "forgive" her for.. :) My mom totally rocks.. and even though I don't tell her a lot, she definitely is the best mom on the planet :)

    xx Love & Aloha.
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  27. Yes! I was embarrassed quite a few times, but usually it was because I was doing something that she chose to publicly admonish me about, haha!

    The mother daughter relationship can be tricky indeed! First, you have the fact that they are both female, and then you add whatever other family and personality dynamics in to the mix and you can get a holy mess!

    I look forward to taking the lessons I have learned and using them to better develop and nurture relationships with my daughters one day, if I am so blessed to have some :)

    Thanks for the comment! You have a lovely blog with great insights.
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  28. oh too funny. well at least that mom was dedicated enough to devote time to the book AND workout!! that says something, right?? I love my mom, she is my best friend! happy monday!
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  29. Great story! It's so true I used to get so mad at how my mom could be so blase about the most embarrassing things and now I'm the one that is rarely embarrassed by anything :) Hope you're having a great Monday!

    xo
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  30. I'm sure I was, but I honestly can't remember anything specific! I love my mom dearly, we're very close... but that took some seriously awkward fighting in my teens, first!

    xoxo J
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  31. OMG...Every waking moment of my teenage years I was embarrassed by EVERYthing my mother did....I used to boss her around all the time because I thought I knew best....I definitely was angsty, though! My mom is tone deaf and I was always very embarrassed by her singing....in carpool...with my classmates....hahaha
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  32. My mom was really not around most of the time to embarrass me. But I do remember some of my friends mothers were horrible!!
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  33. My mom ıs too old and lıvıng so far away from me.Probably I was but dont really remember. Lol I embarrassed my son a few tımes callıng hım baby ınfront of hıs frıends!
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  34. That actually looks like a great book and that really shows the mom cares to be reading a book to learn more about her daughter! Yeah, some things embarrassed me but I think that will always happen, lol. What mattered to me most is that I have a wonderful mom who is there for me and loves me for me.
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  35. Ahh I remember being 13 and having moments like that, sure glad that time has passed!
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  36. I was constantly "embarrassed" by my mom when I was a kid. For what, I can't recall. Just being, probably. Poor moms. Looks like a great book...I think I'll pass that on to my sister-in-law.
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  37. I don't really remember my mom ever embarrassing me, although I am sure she did when I was growing up. Now that I am older, I just feel so lucky to have a healthy, happy mom that I guess I've blocked out the other stuff!
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  38. I did, but as I've gotten older, it was just my own insecurities, and nothing my mom did. I appreciate her more as I'm older!
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  39. thats so cute!
    gotta love 13 year olds.
    my mom is like my bff and she acts like a 17 year old too,
    she says wayy perverted and inappropriate stuff that you'd never expect her to say.
    but its reeeallly funny and she never really embarrasses me.
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  41. OMG! My mother is such a great woman, but every time she talks about sex, even now, I totally get embarrassed.
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  42. oh of course! my mom is so goofy, she embarrassed me all the time, even when she had no idea!

    one time when i was like 8, we were snowed in and couldn't leave our street and my mom felt so bad because we were bored so she tied the sled to the back of her car to take us around...until the sheriff saw and told her how ridiculously stupid it was. but she's selfless in that way and always wants us to have fun, no matter what.

    i love that craazy lady! :)
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  43. My mom embarrasses me all the time but I'm pretty sure I embarrass her equally. Love her so much!
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  44. Although my mom is super Italian, wild and out of control, I was never embarrassed of her growing up. I think I am too much like her to have realized that what she was doing should have been mortifying!

    When she met my boyfriend for the first time, before we were together she told him that she just went to see a play and that he would LOVE it. It was called "Menopause"...
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  45. oh woman....if you only knew my mother!! lol...of course she has!! but i can't wait to do it to presley...its part of that mother daughter bond!
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  46. I might just have to check out this book. Looks like something my mother and I have been through...no doubt!

    Happy Monday :D

    ♡,
    Jessica
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  47. Yes I have but I look back and realize she wasn't doing them deliberately. Moms can be moms....they are older and see the world differently.
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  48. i remember when i was 13 i would not talk to my mom for a year. i felt like i 'hated' her and i don't use that word lightly. but one day i woke up and loved her just as much as i had before. hormones i guess? strange.
    thanks for the post!

    xxx
    t
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  49. .. I really want to read that book .. I have 3 year old daughter and I wanna be the best -mamma- for her : ) thanks for your sweet comment : )
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  50. Iva thanks for your kind words about Jennifer on her guest post on my blog, it was very sweet. She's become a close friend and I know she'll appreciate what you've said. ♥
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  51. You have no idea about MY mom,she embrasses me in public like so many times. Its so annoying :/
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  52. My mom is pretty cool, but sure. And I'm sure I've embarassed her before. I don't have kids but I really admire anyone who takes on parenting. In some many ways a hard, thankless job.
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  53. ha...loaded question...but i love my ma now...

    and luckily my girls are not to this stage yet...and i hope that they never get there...know i probably can't but i would love to break the mold when it comes to the mother/teen daughter relationship...we'll seee!
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  54. I was never really embarrassed by my mom or what she did... she has always been so sweet and humble. But, we definitely had our little rough patches! I think a lot of that has to do with just being a teenage girl :)
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  55. I need this book to prepare for when Ellie gets older. I'm just now starting to embarass her and it may or may not be on purpose. :) XOXO
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  56. Aw! My mom used to dance whenever there was music - in stores, waiting in line at the bank - if there was upbeat music, she was swaying. I used to beg her not to, but now that I'm all grown up, I find myself doing the same thing! Sorry for complaining mom... I get it now. :)
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  57. My Mom and I are super close now but when I was a teen we fought a lot. She definitely embarrased me on many occassions but I've learn to just accept her for who she is!
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  58. oh, I remember those days! Boy did my mom and I have a tug of war going! We've had some flare ups over the years, but she's one of my best friends now. Don't know what I'd do without her!
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  59. Aww ... I want to convince my mom to go to the gym with me now, haha. My mom's only embarrassed me in front of a few friends and my boyfriend by telling those stories you don't really want told. But I love her for everything she does :)
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  60. my mom and i never really did much together. but as a child she would keep my hair cut extremely short - like a mushroom haircut/bob if you will. i hated it and looked like a boy. as soon as i was old enough i told her no more and she was never allowed to touch my hair again.

    other than that i don't have any horrible memories of my mother embarrasing me!
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  62. Oh my god, where do I begin? How about all of her matching sweat outfits? Oh, and she'd wear a turtleneck UNDER the sweatshirt.

    Oh, the shame!
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  63. That is very funny...oh, yes...my Mom used to embarrass me to death at times...and sometimes still does, but I can laugh at it more now...actually, the funny thing is, is that I'm turning into my Mother...not a bad thing...she's a wonderful woman!
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  64. Despite hte fact that my mother are extremely close - she's like my best friend - I am still embarrassed by things that she does! Honestly, I think it's a requirement for parents to embarrass their offspring at any age!! :)
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  65. Ummmm yes my mother embarrassed me plenty growing up and even still does to this day!! Hahaha... but I love her none the less and at this point in life we are more like sisters! I hope that mom and daughter work things out. It's so hard being a teenager and I'm sure it's hard being a mom to a teenager. I wish the best to both of them.
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  66. My mom embarressed me and I have and probably still do!! I just need someone to help me or advise me on how to get along with my youngest daughter who is married and has a 3 year ( my grandson). My daughter is 32!! Help!!
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