While driving yesterday, a question came to mind.
How {and/or} Would you tell your friend if you saw their significant other cheating on them?
A song lyric triggered that question. {love music} So, I realize this hypothetical is not so face value. Many points come to mind like, how close are you and this friend, what is their relationship status, what would your friend's reaction be,would you not be comfortable keep the information back.
{image from here}
{image from here}- yes, of course, under all circumstances.
- totally depends.
- yes, but, I would confront the cheater and make him/her tell my friend.
- omg, never.
- What's the point, they'll just make up, and I will loose a friend.
- ___________________________________
Great question! I think the information is too important to hesitate, but again it can be damaging to nose too much into other people's business. So my choices, depending on the situation, are 1, 2 & 3. As for the message the woman put on the billboard... She shouldn't have included the 'poorly-endowed' part because it only tells me it was once 'good enough' for her ;-)
ReplyDeleteI would tell but I would be one million positive that they were cheating.
ReplyDeleteand that is the one thing that gives us a girls a bad reputation among men!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say anything. I don't think it's my business to bring it up. Every relationship is different and has its own set of problems and struggles and I don't think it's my place to judge and talk to my friend about it. If anything, I would mention to the cheater that I was a witness and then let that person figure out what to do.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on the friend, I'd like to say a 100% yes but some people might think you are lying. That is a hard choice to make which I hope I never have to make. I am a horrible liar and am bad at keeping bad things a secret. Oh I also wanted to let you know I had to change my blogger name. It is no longer Blondie goes blog.
ReplyDeleteI am wavering between #1 and #2. I think that I would want to know regardless and I hope that any friend of mine would tell me. The more I type, the more I think I would tell the friend regardless, unless the person was more of an acquaintance.
ReplyDeleteI had exactly that experience on Sunday and lived to write a blog about it. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteI think, with all tricky situations, it depends... but it's hard to think that you wouldn't tell them, unless there were some weird circumstances... if it was your boyfriend cheating on you, wouldn't you want your friend to let you know?
ReplyDeletelordy, i hope this NEVER HAPPENS!!! but, if it did, i think i would have to tell. if the situation were reversed, i sure hope someone could tell me so that i could kick that dirtbag cheater to the curb.
ReplyDeleteinteresting side note....i have a gay friend that has an arrangment with his lover. his lover can seek others, no problem. i am REALLY glad that i found this out before any situation arose in which i might feel i needed to spill the beans about alleged cheating. eke.
I know that no matter what, I would want to know! So i'd say 1. I just think it's unfair when one person is faithful for the other to not be.
ReplyDeleteHaving been in this situation before (finding out that a friend was cheating, not being the cheater), I would do exactly what I did before. Confront my friend, and give him/her 24 hours to tell their significant other or I would. Variables apply here-- how well do I know the partner, how serious is their relationship, etc. Having been cheated on-- I do not condone it any way, shape, or form.
ReplyDeleteThis billboard is hysterical!!! And it depends how close a friend and if I knew for sure... like seen it, took photos, etc... not just a friend of a friend... you cant take that risk unless youre sure!! xxooo
ReplyDeleteYikes, been there. Didn't tell. And still feel guilty about it. I think I would tell if faced with the situation again. If it were me I would want to know.
ReplyDeleteI think it would really depend on how close of friends I was with both parties and the proof I had that the cheating occured. If I had 100% proof ex: text/email/photo and it was a close friend then I probably would. If it were just a rumor I may not say anything and have to deal with the whole "shooting the messenger" thing.
ReplyDelete2. Definitely depends on the situation and my relationship with the person.
ReplyDeletei'd have to say #1. i wouldn't allow any FRIEND of mine to not know about her husband cheating. i would give the cheater 24 hours to tell his partner. if they didn't, i would. and there are so many variables to this... so i don't know that there's a straight answer, but a real friend of mine, yes, totally #1.
ReplyDeletealthough i did see a girl i call "psycho girl" ( there's a huge story there for another time) out with another man while her husband was gone... and i didn't say a word. but i know that wasn't the first time, and knew it wouldn't be the last, and he ( the husband) had been warned several times before and continued to believe her over the person telling him, so i figured if he's dumb enough to trust her, then whatever... then she left him. stupid.
this is such a sticky situation. if the person was my good friend or my best friend and i witnessed the cheating then hell yes i would tell them. if the person is a friend but not a close friend then probably not. those are the ones that get pissed at you for telling them. as for me, i'd want to know regardless of who tells me, unless it's like a jealous ex. that's not so reliable.
ReplyDeleteEek! This is a tough one. But if I actually SAW it, how could I not? It'd kill me to say the words and I'd rehearse at least 50 times but I think I'd have to say it.
ReplyDeleteI would only tell my friend if I was completely 100 percent convinced that her boyfriend/husband was cheating. I would hate to cause any heartbreak over a misunderstanding. But yeah, as a friend, I think it is my duty to tell her.
ReplyDeleteIf I found out my boyfriend was cheating and one of my friends knew, but didn't tell me, I would never speak to her again. Simple as that.
definitely, the first chance I get. I couldnt just look and let my friend be cheated around. She deserves to know.
ReplyDeleteI would tell. I would SO tell.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sticky difficult situation. #3....take action, but make the cheater be accountable and tell. Fun stuff when soap operas walk right into our life.
ReplyDeleteOuch-ouchy!
ReplyDeleteI simply have to do no.2 & 3!
That billboard sign is a trip!!
xo*
I think it would depend on the friend and how close I was with the cheating significant other. I would definitely tell, but how I would go about telling would totally depend on the situation. I've kind of been in the situation before (not a close friend), but I didn't say anything. It was a complicated situation that could have had far reaching affects...Much more so than just breaking up a relationship.
ReplyDeleteCould write a book about my observations of the relationships of other couples - and probably will!!
ReplyDeletexxLOL LOLA:)
Depending on the relationships at hand (how close the friend and I are and what is the nature of the romantic involvement between the two), I'd probably tell the cheater that I saw them and encourage them to fess up so I don't do it for them. I think. I just hope I never have to find out!
ReplyDeletedrama...
ReplyDeletehope this would never ever happen.
i think i would say something to the cheater and have them fess up.
oh my gawd that billboard makes me laugh (and is so sad too!) it would definitely depend on how close i was to said "friend" but i would not be ok w/holding something like that back and i would definitely not be ok w/someone not telling me if i was being cheated on!
ReplyDeleteHmm, that's such a hard question. I think it depends on how close to the person who is getting cheated on I am. Also, how serious their relationship is. It's really hard, and I hope I never have to face it! Interesting post =)
ReplyDeleteI would have to say #1, because that's what I would expect her/him to do for me.
ReplyDeleteWow, you pulled out a toughie, Iva! I'm probably leaning towards #3 ... to let the cheating liar know that he's not getting away with his actions, but to make it up to him to confess. It's their relationship and I would care for my friend and not want her to be hurt either way, but I would hate for her to hear it from me, doubt me, and have him lie about it. I'd rather confront him and say, "You better tell her" ... that's probably the most stepping in that I would do, but it depends on the friendship as well. Hopefully this situation never happens, though :)
ReplyDeleteI've said it before, and I'll say it again: the truth always finds a way. So the better question might be: what do you say if your friend confronts you and asks if you knew?
ReplyDeleteAs usual, a great, thoughtful post! Thanks Iva for being consistently awesome :)
#1 for sure even though there is that slight chance you might lose a friend, the very good ones will thank you in the end.
ReplyDeletewow! that is one amazing billboard. cheating is so terrible. =(
ReplyDeletehttp://pinkchampagnefashion.blogspot.com/
That's a good question. I guess that would depend on how close I am with the friend. If it's my best friend right now, probably, but then too, she won't fucking believe me because she always thinks I'm full of shit. Anyone else would totally believe me. Besides, I'm pro-chic, so if I find my friends's (all female) significant other is a cheater, them mofos are dead!
ReplyDeleteI've done it before and lost my friend. But I would do it again because I would want my friend to tell me.
ReplyDeletehahah oh my gosh.
ReplyDeleteumm i think a nice kick in the balls would do.
that billboard, wow. um, I think it depends on the situation but would probably go with #3.
ReplyDeleteI just don't know if I can give a definitive answer...I feel like nothing good ever comes from intervening with fate...like you see something and tell and you probably end up loosing a friend if she stays with him. You see something and don't tell, she most likely will find out on her own in due time. If he is cheating consistently she will probably find out and I would just kind of be afraid of the mess I would create. SO DIFFICULT, but amazing billboard! whoa!
ReplyDelete1) yes.
ReplyDeleteWhat a horrible situation to be in though. I've had a similar experience once with a friend but by the time I heard about it they had already broken up. I debated for years if I should tell her, and finally did. I knew it was over but I still felt like she should know.
I'm really naive I guess, but seriously, infidelity boggles my mind.
I'm all over number 3!!!
ReplyDeleteBut in the.. either you tell them.. or I will!!!
this is a tough call because I think it has a lot to do with your relationship with the person and whether or not you are close enough to them to tell them the truth! This is harrrd!!
ReplyDeletei don't think i could
ReplyDeleteI don't know but probably i'll tell the truth to my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to be back I've missed so many things!
How are you? kids? family?
OH I love this picture. Totally something the women in my family would do
ReplyDelete